A Letter to My Husband After the Death of Our Son.

Mark, I remember meeting you 22 years ago and thinking he seems like a good guy. Well, hold on, let’s be very honest for a second. We may have had more drinks than we should have and I didn’t really remember you from that exact night, but you were extremely persistent and continued reaching out and we ended up going on several dates. As time went on I really started to like you. I couldn’t help, but find myself immediately attracted to your blazing blue eyes and bleach blonde hair. We were so young and just enjoyed having fun and spending time with each other. We did everything together and although I was going to college, playing soccer, and working we still made time to see each other every single day. Our conversations grew deeper and as time went on we were becoming the best of friends. We had a great deal of similarities such as shooting pool, playing sports, competitive mentality, traveling and drinking a cold one.

Five years into our relationship, at the young age of twenty-five we bought our first house. I’ll never forget how that purchase all turned out. Our good friends were also house hunting at the same time and saw a house. Lindsay immediately called me and said this is your house, you will love it, go check it out. Low and behold, I was working so I couldn’t go see it. I contacted you and you dropped everything to go see the house. You told me it’s perfect and I would love it. It’s amazing that after five short years, I already trusted your opinion and told you to make an offer, sight unseen for myself. You were so accurate and since then I’ve learned that you are usually accurate. I’ve also come to learn you are incredibly selfless and you happen to be the greatest Father that anyone could ever ask for. We enjoyed traveling together and it was a no brainer that we landed on having a destination wedding in Cancun, Mexico. A marriage is a huge commitment and it requires the ability to understand your partner wholeheartedly. Communication, trust, mutual respect, and the willingness to compromise are imperatively important for a successful marriage.

We’ve learned in a successful marriage, several key factors play a crucial role in sustaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Communication stands as the cornerstone of our strong partnership. We have the ability to express our thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly, while actively listening to one another, we both foster understanding and empathy. Effective communication has helped us resolve conflicts, prevent misunderstandings, and keeps our connection strong.

Trust is another vital pillar. Trust is the foundation upon which our marriage is built. We both have confidence in each other’s intentions, actions, and decisions. Without trust, doubts and insecurities can erode the bond between spouses, leading to distance and dissatisfaction. We are both brutally honest, reliable, and maintaining this level of transparency helps nurture this essential element.

We possess mutual respect which forms the basis of a healthy partnership. Respecting each other’s individuality, opinions, and boundaries creates an atmosphere of acceptance. This respect also extends to appreciating each other’s contributions, whether they are financial, emotional, or practical. Feeling valued and acknowledged enhances feelings of love and satisfaction within our marriage.

Willingness to compromise is a practical necessity in any long-term relationship. You and I bring our unique preferences, values, and needs to this union. The ability to find middle ground and make decisions that honor both of us helps prevent feelings of resentment or imbalance. Compromise requires understanding that no one gets their way all the time, but we both win in finding solutions that are mutually beneficial.

Emotional support is paramount. Being there for each other during challenging times and celebrating successes creates a sense of security and intimacy. We are truly a power couple providing a listening ear, a comforting presence, and genuine encouragement which fosters a deep connection that has strengthened over the years.

Shared goals and values provide a sense of purpose. We have aligned our ambitions and values to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. We work towards common objectives, this cultivates a sense of teamwork and unity, reinforcing the notion that we are in this journey together.

We have been successful in creating an environment where love can flourish. Our ability to foster a sense of partnership, understanding, and lifelong companionship, enables us to navigate the complexities of life as a united and harmonious team.

As I reflect on our relationship and our ability to be such a great team for our children, I become even more impressed with you and fall in love with you a little more everyday. I’ll never forget when we brought Lexi home and I was able to witness your first days as being a Father. You were such a natural from the start. Lexi wanted to snuggle with you all the time and it wasn’t uncommon for me to find her sound asleep in your arms. You were always present, you were always teaching, and you were always striving to be the best human for all of us. I also, vividly remember finding out about being pregnant again and we were ecstatic to find out it was a boy. There is nothing more perfect than a family of 4 with one boy and one girl. We anxiously awaited his arrival and he must have been just as excited to meet us as his arrival came five weeks early. Cole was born with so many medical complications and just when I thought it was absolutely impossible to love you more than I already did, something incredible happened. Mark, without even a blink of an eye you stepped up to be, not just a great Father, but a great medically fragile son’s Father. Your ability to problem solve is second to none. Your love for your entire family and to ensure that every minute is spent worthwhile is admirable. Your perseverance to ensure that our son was able to experience what so many other medically fragile children miss out on, traveling multiple times per year, has created everlasting memories that I will always be forever grateful to you for. Together we persevered in problem solving parenting a medically fragile son and our daughter, the sister of a medically fragile brother. In mentoring over the years, I have seen where these types of obstacles result in jobs loss, divorce, resentment, and a shut-in. A shut-in rarely leaves their home due to medical reasons. We never allowed the pressures of the day to day put any type of strain on our relationship. We figured out how to live our best life. We figured out how to ensure Lexi never felt left out. We figured out how to allow Cole the necessary avenues to normalcy so he could experience all life had to offer. You arranged vacationing four to six times per year every year and Cole absolutely loved everyone of them.

I wanted to take a moment to express my deep admiration and gratitude for the incredible strength and love you bring to our family every day. Your unwavering support and care for Cole and Lexi, over the last eight years. You truly are the rock upon which our family stands.

Your ability to navigate the challenges and uncertainties with such grace and determination is nothing short of awe-inspiring. Your dedication to their well-being, your endless patience, and the boundless love you shower upon them are a testament to the amazing father and partner you are.

In the face of adversity, you remain steadfast and unyielding, providing a sense of stability and comfort that I can’t even put into words. You’ve become their hero, and you’re certainly mine as well.

Thank you for being the anchor that keeps us grounded, the light that guides us through dark times, and the source of strength that we all draw from. Our family is stronger and more resilient because of you, and I feel blessed every day to have you by my side.

Our absolute worst nightmare became a reality with Cole’s unexpected death and I know you are hurting so bad. As much as I think I know you, I’ve never seen you so broken. It’s not that I don’t relate and understand entirely. I, too, am unbelievably shattered and broken and our perfect family of four is gone. I just wish there was something I could say to help your heart at least partially heal. Please know that I myself I have no idea how to move forward without the brightest light in our lives, Cole, no longer with us. However, one thing I am certain of, we will do it because we have each other. Your dedication to finding purpose towards something so much more in honor of Cole has shown me the depth of your character and the immense love you hold for our family. Your passionate pursuit of creating a foundation in his memory, aimed at helping others facing similar challenges, speaks volumes about your compassion and resilience. I’m excited to help make a difference in so many families lives, honoring Cole every step of the way. His sense of humor, his love for life, and his ability to connect and impact everyone he came in contact with, deserve to live on forever. I’m confident with you by my side we will achieve all of this and so much more. Love your forever and always!

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